Saturday, May 7, 2011

No one in the world wants to talk to me

So last night was Saturday night and not sure why, I felt rather sad. 

Not pokey fun I'm-sitting-next-to-Lisa-Simpson sad.
Just sad. 

In a sentence, it was all an accumulation of all things dead and alive within me and just the dormancy of forces that usually balance them out - and I didn't really have anyone I wanted to talk to.

My brothers are home, and I have great friends, but sometimes it just gets too close to home.
When they know you and your way - the idea that they can vividly visualise your emotions disheveling your world around you to that point of painful recognition frightens me, and in times like these, I prefer space.

ANYWAY, in a nutshell, I decided I would use my Skype subscription ($15 p/month for unlimited landline calls to USA, UK, AUS & NZ) to ring a perfect stranger.

BUT, I wanted to make sure they couldn't figure out who I was in case they wanted to report me to a suicide hotline or the cops for harassment.
(I'm not suicidal, just emotionally tapped)
Therefore NO law enforcement, NO royal affiliations and NO investigative departments.

So I decided I'd ring France first.

Last week, I'd Skyped my parents' hotel in Paris and had a dilemma. 
Thing is, I know ENOUGH FRENCH to get me by on simple conversations and could've easily asked to connect to my parents.
But something about real French people intimidate me and take me back to being a mute 3 year-old.
So I held the entire conversation in a 3-way: me, the receptionist & Google Translate.

BUT TODAY, I didn't want to get stuck with pissy hotel receptionists ... so I started with confidence in the ice cream shops:

I think they generally tried to carry a conversation (because I said I was calling from Australia and it seemed to humour them) but most sounded busy and I think one called me a cabbage or pet or something.

So then I thought, Mele, Pulu + Emma are going to New York soon.


Well, these people kept hanging up before I could even explain what was going on. 
I'd start telling them I'd like some pizza but can't order any because I haven't decided, and they hang up on me e.g.

ME: Hi, I'm Catherine
THEM: Yeah
ME: What's your name?
THEM: Uh hum, what can we get you?
ME: Um hmm... I don't know
THEM: Well you can call back when you do
ME: Oh wait!  How ... is the day?
THEM: Wha-?
ME: Mine's pretty dull, it's almost morning here - 
THEM: Listen, we don't have time to play around we have a business to run. Call us back if you want some pizza, we deliver, bye.

It sounded like they were quite busy, or just not in the mood to exchange dialogue.
But whatever, I didn't even get that offended, because secretly it felt like I was undercover on a suspect on Law & Order: SVU.

Maybe it was an area thing, in terms of pace.
The stereotype of New York is 'the city that never sleeps/constantly busy blah blah'.

I love Big Bang Theory, and if you watch it, you know Penny's from Omaha, Nebraska.

I didn't care if we talked about my problems, or how they husked their corn, or if their citizens used the pun 'OmaHAHAHA' or whatever.


The last resort:

Yep, Stoysich House of effing Sausage in Omaha, Nebraska. 

I thought they'd be all 'family style' and chat away like talanoa, but they said they were busy and hung up on me all four times I tried to TALK. 
I practically pegged rocks at them e.g. How are the animals in Omaha?  How long has your shift been today? I only just watched Fried Green Tomatoes for the first time last week, have you seen it?


So I just had a great day out today and see I'd written this this morning with a blackened heart ... and it's MOTHER'S DAY of all days' gosh ... I'll take a nap and write something happy after.